I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
