need another drink. this is the easiest way
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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