I wish I could teleport
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
