How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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