Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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