Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
