dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
