ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
