i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
