I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
