worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
