she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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