woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
