Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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