i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
