Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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