Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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