god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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