Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
