My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
