its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
