Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
