Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's like iHOP with fire
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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