I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
where does the pee come out of this thing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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