Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can you bring me the toilet please
Randomize
