Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
