It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
