i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
