He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
