please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
