I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
