Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
