I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
