Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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