i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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