I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Where is the hickey?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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