So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
