highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
