she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fill condoms, not promises.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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