he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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