I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
