I think I won the penis lottery.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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