You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Randomize
