1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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