Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
