I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
