I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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