I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
