He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she told me i tasted like america
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
