im six kinds of drunk right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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