You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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