I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
